Religion has Failed Us.

I’m writing this for two reasons: To acknowledge those who have been hurt, and to speak to those who desire to advocate Christ well.

Been wanting to write this post for a while. For those of who know me, you know that I LOVE God, and I love the church. I serve at my church and other churches. Most of my life is built up of my church community— I enjoy it, I feel called to it.

But I am not a stranger to the ways that the church has severely damaged the reputation of Christ and His people (by His people, I mean everyone and not just Christians), and I want to write about it a little bit.

One of my biggest heartbreaks as of late has been watching many friends who I chased God with become active voices on the deconstruction of religion, deeming it a cult, and calling out all the ways the church has traumatized them. Here’s the thing, I don’t blame them, and in many ways I don’t disagree with them either. Actually, I am glad that they’re finding themselves and deconstructing beliefs that were more harmful than helpful.

But what’s painful for me is having watched them encounter God, but still completely leave Christianity. Some still believe in a God, but have rejected the Christian God and its institution.

There are so many facets to it all, but church/Christianity HAS clearly traumatized people. But not the church or religion in itself, but the Christians; those who are supposed to be loving, kind, and inclusive are often the most vicious, judgmental, and unforgiving.

The truth is, I DON”T understand why in my experience of deconstructing my beliefs or falling into sexual sin, or just making poor leadership mistakes, I was always met with deep love from my leaders and church community that revealed to me a reflection of Christ’s love. And it is a constant question in my mind as to why I received that, while my friends who were molested were deemed dirty and shamed by the church.. Why they were met with leaders who shamed rather than built up, or why the doctrines they were introduced to were the ones of condemnation. Though I know I’ll never have those answers,

But here’s what I wanted to say…..

1) To those who have been hurt by the church, Christians, and religion. I see you. I. see your pain. I see your trauma. I acknowledge it. I welcome it. You deserved better, and you were not shown the image of God. The message of Christ was supposed to free you to live a life of joy, not shame. I’m so sorry that you searched for love and did not find it in a space that preached love but didn’t practice it. I believe that God will find you and encounter you in the space you’re in, be open to that. If it’s outside the church, it’s outside the church. Remain open. Process your pain and remain open to be filled in unexpected ways that are good and still from God. Though the church didn’t make you feel loved, you still are. By God. By others who see you.

2) To those who want to advocate well, and to those still in church and exploring. Understand that no person’s journey is linear. No one can be forced to believe anything. Pressure will always have the opposite effect. Serving is NOT the only way to get connected or to experience God. Service is also NOT the measure of anyone’s love for God. BEING in the presence of God is. But it’s okay to struggle with being in the presence of God (discipline, practice, knowing what to do or how to be in the presence— it all takes time!!!) You don’t have to speak in tongues to be saved. You don’t have to read the Bible a certain amount of times to be saved. You don’t have to fit a certain mold to be saved. You don’t have to look, sound, or act like anyone you look up to. People NEED to see AUTHENTICITY and VULNERABILITY. Being a Christian does NOT mean ABUNDANCE ALL THE TIME. There are still painful seasons, there are still moments of rejection, confusion, lack, etc. It’s OKAY To question your faith and your beliefs. If anyone brings up questions or confusion, WELCOME IT because that’s what Jesus would do. To show up in dark moments, and to show up as a vessel of love in someone else’s pain is enough. People don’t need scripture preached at them, but shown to them. People need to see scripture lived out. People need to witness patience, understanding, and healing in real time. Leaders need to show that they are in a process too. Perfection is never arrived at. How does this happen? It happens through open conversation, not pushing away difficult topics, and TRULY understanding that even the path to Christ won’t look or sound the same as another’s.

Deconstructing religion and Christianity as someone who loves God takes time. It takes patience. It takes sometimes even a painful letting go of things you once held as true. But there is so much freedom and healing in this process. It’s okay to search for yourself. It’s okay to learn from other people. It’s okay to get things wrong. God’s grace covers it.

There are so so so many people who are closed off to Christianity because of the damage that has been done, but I do believe that even walls built up by trauma can be undone by love displayed well. (not perfectly, just well.)

I believe that there is hope and that God wants to more than what we’ve seen.
The best is yet to come, if we choose to take hold of that and trust God to give discernment and wisdom on the how.

Where we lack, He covers it.

But I believe there is SO MUCH profound beauty in committing to the call of undoing religion by walking out in love and trusting Him in that process.